no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
