He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Randomize