I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
