med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
