The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
