she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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