Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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