If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
