he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
