I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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