We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You are a genius and a whore.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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