It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
