no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
