Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize