I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
