Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
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don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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