Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
