I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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