did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
