i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
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