A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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