it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
