he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
