do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
