so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
