Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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