$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
