Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
