i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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