I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
