Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Randomize
