I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
