I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
