WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
