someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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