I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
