In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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