He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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