they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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