Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
