On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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