Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
