Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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