My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
