I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
