Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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