my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Randomize
