based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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