Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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