I swear she didn't look like that last week.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Randomize
