Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
