Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
