Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
