we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
