Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
