kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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