Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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