how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
