I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
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FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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