i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
