I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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