i need an iv and a liver transplant
just tell him i said nine months
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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