im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize