She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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