so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
