Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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