you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
