can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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