the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
