I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
